79 The Minxes

As school broke up for the summer, my dear old granny came to visit. We were thrilled to see her and not just because she came laden with goodies like macaroons and coconut ice, and gingerbread men and cinder toffee from Bolton market. Our relations, scattered far and wide, were seldom seen but dear old Granny remained a constant in our lives and her visits were cherished.

On a beautiful summer morning Granny put my new baby brother in his pram for a stroll up to Twydall shops. I went along too. A routine trip for a few bibs and bobs is all it was, and in no time we were passing the wasteland between the decorator’s shop and the Royal Engineer on our way home.

‘Woo-hoo!’

Someone was trying to attract another someone’s attention. Unconcerned, I carried on talking to Granny.

‘Ooo-woo!’ (Shrill voices getting louder)

‘Ooo-woo! Gerard! Ooo-woo!’

On hearing my name I looked behind me….

…and was aghast to see Diane Clark and Shelley Jordan, two Twydall girls in my class, laughing and rushing to catch up. Oh, the embarrassment. What those minxes had in mind I didn’t know and with no wish to find out, I fled.

Abandoning Granny, I gave Minster Road a miss as I bombed it down Goudhurst Road to Beechings Way, and kept on running until I turned up Wingham Close. With no way of knowing where those minxes were, I choked on the terrible thought that they might have followed Granny all the way to our front door. Unsure what to do next; I hung around in the alley that led to Crundale Road, where I waited… and waited.

Granny was full of herself when I got home. She’d grasped the wrong end of a very mischievous stick and though she’d told Mam the tale already, she kept going on about it.

‘You should have seen the girls chase him!’

Squirming with embarrassment, I made myself scarce.

Next time Granny went to the shops, I stayed home. My brother Dave went instead, a decision he quickly regretted when Granny asked who Swarbrick was.

‘I didn’t know where to put my face,’ Dave said, when he told me about it later. ‘I don’t know who Swarbrick is. I just know what he is.’

I didn’t know the infamous Swarbrick either but thanks to that piece of graffiti the whole estate knew something about him. Brother Mike knew, too. Amidst much sniggering he and Dave told me of other naughty words they’d heard. Since those words were still relatively new to me, it came as a shock to hear them from my brothers and I was quick to lay down the law in big brotherly style. I warned them never to say those words in the house or there’d be a murder. Mine probably, as Dad was sure to think they’d learned them from me.

Footnote: Granny never forgot the girls chasing me. No matter how many times she told the tale in later years, she always told it with the pride.

‘Do you remember Gerard?’

‘Yes Granny’ I’d answer with a smile. I never had the heart to tell her they were taking the piss.