61 On the Buses

The accusing looks that John, Paul and Clive gave Stan when we got off the bus one morning suggested something was up. Then, as the bus pulled away, Stan’s ever so serious face broke into a grin and, with an open palm, he revealed his unpaid bus fare.

Stan laughed off our condemnation. Leaving the righteous to look on in envy he popped into the shop on the corner of Gillingham Road and Copenhagen Road. When he emerged moments later he was chomping on a Mars bar.

Before long we were all at it. Wangling a bus fare required a little luck and a brass neck. Mornings were best as that was the busiest time for conductor to keep up with workers, college girls and school kids piling on at every stop. The tactic was simple enough; have your fare ready but don’t advertise it, just gaze of the window and look as angelic as you can. If the conductor pounced straight away, hard cheddar, but if they missed you in the first sweep, you were in with a chance. The conductor’s voice, tone and demeanour would dictate the next move.

‘Any more fares?’

If the question lacked expectation, fine. Barring the murmurings of a disapproving adult, or the complication of an inspector boarding the bus, it was time to sit back and enjoy a free ride.

‘Any more fares?’

In a demanding tone the same enquiry could sound like a threat. Delivered with a rasp of annoyance, it also betrayed a loathing for kids playing silly buggers. If challenged directly, the get out was to feign a broken trance and mumble an apology as we handed over our fare. In anticipation of the same, many kids crumbled at this stage and meekly coughed up, leaving only the bravest and the most stupid to push their luck to the limit. And sometimes it got silly. When every other kid on the bus was at it, the conductor soon got snotty. But the rewards were good and most got away with it at least once a week.

Remember how we used to add up the three numbers on our bus tickets in the hope of getting a lucky twenty one total?

Our Buses…

1 The Dewdrop pub; Begonia Avenue; Waltham Road; Twydall Shops; Goudhurst Road; Eastcourt Lane; Beechings Way; Cornwallis Avenue; Woodlands Road; Sturdee Avenue;  Barnsole Road; Gillingham Road. 

Either of the five to eight, eight o’clock or five past eight buses would get us to school on time. The first two buses always seemed to be the modern buses with electric doors at the front. The five past eight bus always seemed to be an old open backed one.

1A Beechings Green; Beechings Way; Goudhurst Road; Eastcourt Lane. From there it followed the number 1 route.

1B Beechings Green; Beechings Way; Cornwallis Avenue then as per 1 and 1B.